Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Whiny eBay Inc. Employees Bitching About Their Stock Options Again

Dear Diary,
It's early in the day here at eBay HQ, and each time I pass a group of employees here in the home office, I keep hearing murmurs about how much money they've lost today. Don't these imbeciles know that they don't actually lose any money until they sell their options? I just want to tell them to stop bitching, that I've lost more than the bunch of them combined.

I don't want to go on a rant to you about this right now. I know it's mostly my hormones. I've been having hot flashes more frequently, and it's contributing to my bitter mood, so I'll try not to be too abrasive. After all, Diary, you might be my one true friend.

To make matters worse, I was feeling ill last night and went to bed early. I woke up around 11:45 and noticed Griffith was not in bed. I went downstairs and the den was dark, but I could see the glow of the TV as I approached. When I turned the corner I found my husband, uh, pleasuring himself while watching a Girls Gone Wild commercial.

Sigh - I guess I shouldn't let it bother me, but he said it was because I haven't been around much lately, what with Mitt's campaign and all. I know that masturbation is natural and OK, but I couldn't help but thinking that those young co-eds look a lot like the girls at Hooters.

P.S. That shithead Griff just popped his head in and asked if I had seen that Amazon.com had more hits in December than eBay. I think I'm going to cry. God I hope everybody votes for Mitt so I can cash in all my options and get the hell out of San Jose.

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