Friday, January 11, 2008

Scott Wingo, Ina Steiner, Griff & Cappnonymous Must Die?

Dear Diary,
Yesterday morning that pimple of a troll, Griff, came into my office just as I got to work (how he can get his pasty fat body out of bed so early is beyond me). Griff was all atwitter about some some "rumors" that had spread virtually overnight about eBay being acquired by Yahoo! and about how Scott Wingo had let the cat out of the bag....but reassured me that it wasn't him that spilled the beans (his words, not mine). Griff also, with the giddiness of the third grade class tattletale, pushed in front of me while I was trying to enjoy my $11.00 coffee, and logged onto YouTube to show me the latest Cappnonymous video. After he pushed play, he stepped back and proceeded to provide commentary throughout the entire poorly produced video.

"oooh, oooh, loooky Meg," he spouted, spewing spittle all over my 25 inch monitor, "ooooh, look, he took your quotes out of context."

"Oh, and now he's likening you to a pig......your teeth don't look like that.....ooh, and here, here he's trying to imply that you are Hitler," Griff continued this through the whole video.

To add to my annoyance - I could see no other reason for it, Griff knows that I hate it when he acts like a nancy-boy with a beard, tattling on his peers or anyone for that matter - Griff showed me several instances on where it appears that bitch Ina Steiner thinks she's getting a bit big for her britches. Our staff had an agreement with Ina, and it was simple - put a positive spin on all things eBay and we'll give you access to our spokespeople and first dibs on eBay news. Now I see she's begun printing blog editorials questioning managerial moves, and I see the hoards of "ex-bayers" are all swarming, leaving their own horror stories in the comments sections. Ina was supposed to keep this under control!!!

And Diary, you don't even want me to get started on that little puke Scott Wingo. Who the fuck does he think he is anyway? Just because he has some lame internet company doesn't give him the right to reveal eBay Inc. company secrets! After all I've done for him and the access I've given, I'm not the least bit happy about this little stunt of reporting our deal with Yahoo! It is now bound to fall through. Once investors hear about it, Yahoo! stock will take a beating and investor sentiment will turn sour.

So what to do? I've got four problems to deal with today...Cappnonymous the renegade and highly prolific video blogger, Scott Wingo the conniving scum leak bastard, Ina Steiner the new anti-eBay blogger who built her business on eBay's back, and Griff the six year old stuck in the body of a fat middle aged virgin. I will start by contacting YouTube and having them pull some more of Mr. Cappnonymous' videos down for unknown reasons. Then I'll make a phone call to Mr. Wingo, and have a little discussion about his leaky mouth. Then a call to Mrs. Steiner who will surely change her tune once she is threatened with a lawsuit for copyright infringement for pasting screenshots of all over her site. Then I'll pull Griff aside by his earlobe and suggest he take his eBay-sabbatical....and never return.

Then all that is left is to deny the Yahoo! takeover until the deal is complete. Viola!


Anonymous said...

Now now Meg. Aren't you really just upset about that new Hooters across the street?

I mean, it can't feel good to know that with everyone busy thinking about all those young hotties running around so close by, no one will hear a word you say. Your managers and employees will be taking 3 hour long lunch breaks.

Hey... Maybe you could don the Hooter's uniform and see if that helps restore any of the magic.

Meg said...

Oh, don't even get me started on that! I appeared before the city council to try to get them to block the sale to Hooters. I did it because I HAD to! I called up the mayor's office originally with my concern, and he laughed at me. ...said something about being able to buy "enormous black pulsating double dong ejaculating dildos" on eBay and that I didn't have room to talk.


I'll tell you one thing...when Mitt is Pres he'll do something about those heathens on the city council. He'll clean up this whole country. Those poor objectified women in those skimpy outfits...I feel so bad for them. They should be focusing on their studies and less on their looks.

....that's what I did, and look how I turned out!

Anonymous said...

Meg, I think it is clear that everyone loves Hooters. We are all born that way.

Why are you all upset? Isn't it true that ebay is, in fact, in the top ten at least, with having sold as much as 70% of the market for online porn video sales of online pornography supply venues?

Isn't it true that ebay was sued in an antitrust suit filed against it in 2003, which eBay settled out of court, by the #2 porn dealer, Rick's Cabaret, owner of Naughty Bids and several strip clubs?

So what is your problem?

BTW, Haven't you been reading the blogs lately, especially those from the world of finance?

The clue-phone is ringing.
It's for you.

tag said...

Sheesh - I feel hurt that meggie poo left me off her list of people to kill off. Heck I have been dissing her and ebaY longer and louder than anyone online!

The Auction Guild