Thursday, January 31, 2008

eBay Inc. CEO Meg Whitman: "Go Ahead, Boycott eBay, I Dare You"

Dear Diary,
It seems that our predictions as to the effect of the recently announced policy and fee amendments were right on target. There has been a lot of whining and bauling from sellers, just as expected. My poor little drones are in a tizzy. The media reaction has been right in line with our projections as well. Ina Steiner at Auctionbytes.com is being a real doll, posting passive-aggressive blog articles as expected and allowing the angry drones to vent. According to our numbers, we are on track to have in excess of 90% of the dissenters back in the fold by the time the new policies take effect on the 20th. Originally we had projected that 65% would basically have shut up by then and that eBay.com would lose roughly 1,000 sellers with more than 750,000 products (mostly in SIF) during the three week period leading up to the changes, with another 1,000 sellers with approx. 300,000 listings leaving in the three months after the policy change. But, I'm giddy as a second year graduate level co-ed writing her thesis, because those numbers seem to have been way high. Two days after the announcement we are now projecting a net gain in sellers by around 2,000, who will add an addition 9,000,000 products over the next twelve months.

Yes, my dear Diary, there have been talks of boycotts. Those pathetic drones of mine are whining up a storm in every forum that they can. Their angry posts often make little sense and amount to nothing more than the ramblings of a jilted lover drunkenly screeching his troubles to a room full of jaded past-their-prime blue collar nobodies in a honky-tonk bar on the outskirts of Redneckville, USA. So, to my drones I say "Go ahead, boycott eBay, I dare you! I fucking double-dog dare you."

I have my drones in check, right where they have always been. Those dumclucks don't have intellectual capacity to make it on the outside. They are simply not smart enough to be successful in any other venue than eBay.com. Those that do leave will come crawling back very quickly, with their tails between their legs and with a new respect for the service provided by eBay Inc.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Josh, nice blog you got here!

How\'s FireMeg.com going?

Meg Whitman said...

Do NOT mention FireMeg.com on my blog!!! EVER!

There\'s some imbecile on the Yahoo! eBay finance forum calling "Firemeg" the leader of the anti-eBay revolution. The truth is that he is nothing but a fucking no talent hack that couldn\'t led an invisible dog to a fire hydrant in the middle of a goddamn fire hydrant factory.

The eBay Police said...

You seem to be having an identity crisis, Meg/Josh.

Anyway, enjoy your dual life. We know who you are now.