Wednesday, November 7, 2007

I am Woman, Hear Me Roar!

Dear diary, I'm king of the fucking world!!

That's right, KING! I don't feel like a queen, who is under the reign of any man, not after the week I've just had. I feel more than kingly, I feel godly.

Anytime I cash in $20 million dollars worth of stock options, it's going to be a good week. My son suggested that I get it all changed into ones and roll around in it like Eric Cartman did on South Park with Kyle's twenty dollar bill. I gave him a half-hearted but stern lecture on the value of money, but then I secretly took his advice with one million of it. Let me tell you, there's nothing like the feeling of rolling around in a pile of one million brand new one dollar bills! It's sort of like playing in the leaves as a child in the fall - except they aren't dirty or itchy. Oh, and I got to think about the thousands upon thousands of hours my drones had to work in order for me to accumulate that million dollars. Sweet.

And if selling $20,000,000 worth of eBay Inc. stock wasn't enough, I find out yesterday that our legal team won our lawsuit against Honestly, I can't believe it. We tried to pay the judge off, but he refused. Said something about his ethics, blah, blah, blah. The best part isn't that we won the suit, it's the fact that my company has unadulterated power to do anything we wish! Heck, we're still using stolen MercExchange Buy It Now technology code in all of our fixed price auctions! Stolen! Willfully, blatantly and knowingly ripped off code. And yet, we were able to get a judge to say that a company cannot put two words together in a URL if they contain the word eBay anywhere in the title. Ha ha! Watch out, you're next!

And how about my good little drones catching the QVC bandit? Wonderful! Sure we'll miss out on some listing fees from that scammer, but otherwise it's free PR. Those anonymous drones who helped catch the scammer are nobodies, and eBay gets all of the attention! And you know diary, the ironic part is that the QVC bandit used a loophole on the QVC site that allowed her to immediately cancel orders and still have the items shipped for free. Ironic because Paypal has the SAME exact glitch. Anyone who pays for a BIN item on eBay via Paypal with an echeck and then immediately cancels the Paypal payment stands a very good chance of getting the item for free because it still shows as paid on the seller's account. Note to self - check with the engineers to see if they've fixed this loophole in Paypal yet. We had YouTube pull the Cappnonymous video describing in detail how to take advantage of this Paypal loophole months ago, they'd better have it fixed or they will feel my wrath!

What a great week! The only negative aspect was that those little bitches on Wall Street let the price fall, costing me $4 million. But oh well, that ought to keep the SEC off my back for awhile longer. And besides, with our PR campaign and stock buyback, the stock price should be through the roof for my next round of option exercises at the end of December.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I give the creator of this site a big thumbs up for the creativity!